


An Affair of Honor

by howdoyouwritenonstop



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: American History, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 01:34:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5438609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howdoyouwritenonstop/pseuds/howdoyouwritenonstop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander's perspective of the duel between John Laurens and Charles Lee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Affair of Honor

The sun reflecting off the snow made the dueling grounds shine a blinding white. Alexander pulled his coat tighter around him and shivered as he watched John load his pistol. He felt overcome by a acute wave of nausea, but to preserve John’s honor, he could not allow himself to reveal his weakness. He didn’t speak, watching John closely, feeling more anxiety than he had before any battle.  
Across the field, General Lee conferred with his second, Major Evan Edwards. The two men seemed at ease, though Lee frequently glanced over at John. When Edwards turned his back on Lee to signal to Alexander, Lee’s face became a tight-lipped mask of fear. Alexander felt a swell of satisfaction that Lee was frightened of John, though he hid it well. John was, as ever, resolute and unafraid.  
“Colonel Hamilton!” called Edwards as he approached the middle of the field, waving Alexander over. Alexander looked back at John, who didn’t look up from his weapon. One corner of his mouth twitched into a nearly imperceptible smile, probably meant to console Alexander, but the sight of John’s smile only made Alex more apprehensive as he thought of what was about to happen.  
“Major Edwards,” said Alexander coolly, meeting Edwards halfway between where John and Lee stood.  
“I gather Colonel Laurens still feels the need to continue with this endeavor?” Edwards said.  
“Both Colonel Laurens and I are of the opinion that the General should be held accountable for his slanderous words about General Washington.” Alexander fought to keep his voice steady as he held defiant eye contact with Edwards.  
“While General Lee is eager to defend his honor and put Colonel Laurens in his place, he also thinks that if General Washington needs defending, perhaps he can defend his character by showing his competence as a commander, rather than relying on his aides to fight his battles for him.”  
“You can let General Lee know that this is a question of honor,” said Alexander, “and as members of General Washington’s family it is our duty to uphold our honor as well as the General’s. But if Lee has decided he’s too cowardly to prove his honor, I’m sure Colonel Laurens will understand.” He said this in the cadence of a challenge, but silently he longed for Lee to bow out.  
Edwards sneered. “General Lee is looking forward to defending his honor against the young Colonel, Hamilton. You dirty earwigs may imagine yourselves Washington’s sons, but you’re lauding a father on his way towards a swift and deserved downfall.”  
Despite his overwhelming terror, Alexander felt his face burn with resentment. “You forget yourself, Major Edwards. I propose we allow the General and Colonel to find their own resolution.”  
“I agree,” Edwards said. “General Lee suggests a direct advance across the field and each man shall fire at what time and place he sees proper.”  
“I shall confer with Colonel Laurens.” Alexander turned stiffly and walked back to where John stood waiting.  
“Major Edwards seemed in a pleasant disposition,” John said dryly as Alexander approached.  
Alexander glanced back to see Edwards and Lee conversing across the field and, sure he was out of earshot, said quietly, “John, you still don’t have to do this. Lee is a miserable poltroon, as good as ready to yield now, from the sound of it. Let me talk with Edwards again. I can subdue him into convincing Lee to forego the challenge and it would be a mark on his honor, not yours. I know you want to do this but please-”  
“Stop talking, Alexander,” John said dispassionately. He didn’t meet Alexander’s eye. “If you were in my place, you would not hear of backing down, and neither will I.”  
“And if you were in my place you would not let this happen without trying to persuade me to walk away without being shot at.”  
For the first time since they arrived at the dueling grounds, John looked at Alexander, their eyes meeting for a long silent moment. It was John that finally broke the gaze, and sighed morosely. He glanced across the field to see Lee and Edwards watching them.  
“What does Lee want to do?” John said.  
“He proposes you approach each other face to face and fire at however many paces you see fit.”  
“I consent,” said John. “Very well. Onward, Colonel Hamilton.”  
Alexander followed John to the center of the field and stood to the side as John and General Lee took their positions. His ears rang and the world before him seemed to blur as Edwards called for them to draw their pistols. Hoping his voice wasn’t shaking, Alexander gave the command to begin paces, and the two men approached each other, eyes locked. Alexander forced himself not to look away. The field was perfectly silent and still except for the two duelers, who had now taken four paces, five, six-  
And suddenly, faster than Alexander could comprehend, two shots had been fired.  
Lee flinched at the sound, but John stood firm. It appeared at neither bullet had hit its mark, and seconds later, John was already reloading.  
“John,” Alexander called across the field in protest, dismayed that John seemed so eager to take another shot. When John turned to look at him, he felt his face burn red again. In the excitement he had forgotten that out here, John was Colonel Laurens, and it was inappropriate to address him otherwise. However, his unease only lasted for a moment, as seconds later, Edwards cried out, “He’s hit!”  
All three men rushed towards General Lee, who still stood upright, but had suddenly clutched at his side. Blood began to spread on the front of his overcoat. Lee stumbled, his face twisted in pain. John, who had arrived first, grasped the General’s arm to help him up, but Lee furiously shook him off.  
“It is not a grievous wound,” said Lee, although his voice shook. “I can stand on my own.”  
“Do you yield, General Lee?” John asked.  
“I see no reason to yield as long as I can still take paces and fire my weapon.” Lee began to reload his pistol. “I propose another shot.”  
“General-” Edwards began to protest but John cut him off.  
“I accept, General. Shall we resume our positions, Colonel Hamilton?” John spat the last two words contemptuously, his jaw clenched.  
“General Lee, the question of honor has been settled,” Alexander said. “There is no need for a second shot unless you mean to cause Colonel Laurens harm for some personal reason. I motion that the matter become resolved now.”  
“I second that motion,” said Edwards, frantically removing his own overcoat to try to staunch the General’s bleeding.  
Lee swatted Edwards away like a fly. “I have requested a second shot and Colonel Laurens agreed. I require no further discussion of the matter. I only require another shot.”  
“General Lee, respectfully, you are injured and by asking for a second shot, you would ask Colonel Laurens to fire on a wounded man. You’ve shown courage by requesting another round, but if the question of honor can be resolved now there is no need to prolong this affair. Do you agree, Colonel Hamilton?”  
“Yes, sir,” said Alexander. “General Lee and Colonel Laurens have already both proved their courage and honor today.”  
After a moment of thought, Lee said, “I think we both have chosen honorable gentlemen as seconds, Colonel Laurens. Perhaps we should allow them to deliberate privately and comply with whatever they determine is the most honorable course of action. Do you agree?”  
“I consent,” John muttered reluctantly. He holstered his pistol and stalked off to sit on a fallen tree that protruded above the snow on a far corner of the dueling grounds. Lee retired to the opposite side of the field, leaving Edwards and Alexander alone to deliberate.  
“Your man has no reason to pursue a second shot unless he actively seeks to kill Colonel Laurens. Laurens’ shot hit his mark. Lee’s missed. The duel is over.”  
“I agree,” said Edwards, lacking the confidence he’d had at the beginning of the duel. He must have thought his General invincible before Lee was nearly felled by the shot of a much younger and less experienced soldier. “Although, I wouldn’t phrase it that way to convince the General.”  
They talked for another twenty minutes under the pretense of making a decision about what to do, but in reality debating how to impart their decision without offending either of the dueling parties.  
Alexander and Edwards did not expect their compromise to be received well, but both men listened in strained silence, and afterwards agreed on their terms to prepare their statements. Lee and John shook hands stiffly, and Lee, who had begun to look pale, finally accepted Edwards’ overcoat to wrap around his waist and stem the bleeding. Lee walked back into Philadelphia with Edwards following close behind, shivering without his coat. Alexander followed several yards behind and John ended the procession, not speaking or looking at his friend.  
Alexander arrived first at the aides’ tent they shared. He lit the lamps and stove, shed his coat, and sat on his cot to wait for John to return. Several minutes later, John stormed in. The cold fury that had been building within him now exploded into a wild rage. He still didn’t look at Alexander, but tore off his coat and threw it on his own cot.  
“John-” Alexander’s voice was unsteady.  
“I wonder if I shouldn’t ask you to call me Colonel Laurens in private,” John spat. “So you don’t forget yourself again when we are dealing in an affair of honor.”  
“You’re being unfair,” Alexander said. “If it was me you would’ve done the same thing. You don’t understand what it was like, having to watch the whole wretched thing play out and do nothing.”  
“Likewise you would’ve done the same as me, Alex, had I not challenged Lee first. And I would not have compromised your honor by urging you to deny your opponent another shot.”  
“That’s a damn lie.” Alexander said, the volume of his voice increasing. “I know you, and you would have object rather than watch- He wanted to kill you, John. There’s no other reason he would’ve wanted another shot when he was already wounded.”  
“And if he had, I would’ve died defending General Washington’s character. It is my life to risk for honor, Alex. You had no right to interfere regardless of our-” John inhaled and exhaled deeply before he finished his sentence- “affections for each other.”  
“Edwards protested another round. Is that because of his affections for General Lee?” Alexander shot back.  
“Edwards is a coward. You’re not.” John sat down heavily on his cot. He appeared to have vented all the anger from his body, and now sat with eyes wide, staring at nothing, in a state of resigned melancholy. For a long moment, Alexander said nothing; John had rendered him speechless the way only John could.  
“I’m a coward for you,” Alexander said finally, which elicited a dry laugh from John.  
“You are ridiculous.”  
“I was more afraid today than I have been before any battle I’ve ever fought in.” Alexander stood and walked across the tent, sitting down next to John, who instinctively leaned into Alexander’s outstretched arms. He leaned his head against Alexander’s chest.  
“I wasn’t afraid to kill him, Alex” John said quietly. “If I had. I wasn’t afraid to kill one of our own men. I don’t know what that means about me.”  
“I wouldn’t expect you to have qualms about taking the life of someone who is responsible for the deaths of so many of our brothers.” Alexander tightened his grip around John’s shoulders. On the field, Colonel Laurens was so gallant and steady, and Alexander found himself shamefully relishing the few private moments when John allowed himself to be weak.  
“I didn’t think I would.” John spoke nearly in a whisper now. “But if I had. I would not have felt any regret.”  
“Did you try to kill him?”  
John looked up, suddenly incensed. “I meant to wound him. My bullet struck where I intended it to.”  
Alexander raised his eyebrows. “As usual.”  
John laughed again, this time more genuinely, releasing the tension that had been tight in his shoulders. “You are-”  
Alexander interrupted him with a kiss, his hands on the side of  
John’s face, pulling him close, passionate but gentle. John moved closer, wrapping his arms around Alexander’s neck and leaning into the embrace. Alexander broke away first, but they continued to hold each other, foreheads pressed together. Alexander traced John’s jawline with his fingers. He studied John’s face, his chest swelling with a sudden elation at the simple fact that he got to be close to John at all, much less the closest person to him.  
“Alexander,” John sighed, uncharacteristically content.  
“I don’t want to have to say goodbye to you this soon.”  
John’s eyes opened, and as always, Alexander marveled at how blue they were, like something out of a painting. The kind of blue that could only exist in his dreams, and yet when he woke up every day he looked into John’s eyes and there it was. He never ceased to be astonished.  
“We both know the risks of being part of the revolution,” John said. “We are both willing to die for what we believe. We’ve spoken about this many times.”  
“Has nothing changed for you?” Alexander leaned away from John, who watched him sadly. “I would still die for this country. But I would rather live for you, or die for you, or whatever God decides my fate to be. There will be fighting to do after the war is done. I don’t believe I can do it without you, John. I have no desire to. There can be a greater future for us than to be martyrs. We can both live to see the new nation rise, and be part of it, and give our lives in service rather than in battle. If you are with me, it seems possible that we can make all the things we long for a reality. If you are with me, it seems worth it to continue living.”  
“If I am with you.” John smiled ryely. “I hadn’t imagined much after the war.”  
“Certainly you’ll go back to New York with me,” said Alexander. His hands came to rest on John’s chest. “We could open a law practice together when I finish my studies. And like I said, help build this country. We are in agreement about the nation we’d like to live in. We’ve been fighting for it, and soon we’ll get to shape it.”  
“Assuming we win the war.”  
“Allow me to muse in peace, dear Laurens, without your incessant cynicism interrupting me.”  
His mock formality made John laugh. John leaned forward again and rested his head on Alexander’s shoulder. “I wish I could live a day having your magnificent mind, dear boy.”  
“I’m afraid you’ll have to content yourself with having me instead,” said Alexander, pulling John’s facing to his and kissing him again. John leaned back onto the cot, pulling Alexander on top of him. He wrapped his arms around John, pulling the other man closer. And even when their bodies were pressed together, Alexander held him tighter still as they kissed, as though as close as possible still wasn’t close enough.

**Author's Note:**

> The duel part is based on the historical events rather than how it is told in the musical.


End file.
